To My Wife

I know that this is not what you expected for our first year of marriage. I guess neither of us really expected the “in sickness and in health” part to be quite so one-sided. And it is fair to say this has not been an easy time for either of us; we have faced more than our fair share of obstacles. But through it all, I am mindful of how fortunate I am to be with you, and I want you to know how much I appreciate all that you do for me. I’m not great with my words, the brain-fog means I lose track of what I want to say and I often can’t find the right words. Being able to write them down helps and it allows me to share this with the world so everyone will know how wonderful and kind you are to me.

I am so grateful for all you do for me, with no complaint or resentment: driving me all over the country to appointments, doing the cooking, tidying up, and walking the dog. But the little things mean just as much: you bringing me a blanket on a cold day, stroking my hair as I fall asleep, holding me in your arms gently so it doesn’t hurt, reassuring me when I am anxious and reminding me not to take life, or myself, too seriously.

To be able to bring laughter to someone in pain is a gift, and to make someone who is lost feel loved is the sign of the warmest of hearts. You have both in abundance. I’m sorry that I have so little to offer you in return. You encourage and strengthen me, you hold me and guide me. Although our walk through life together is slower than we’d planned I still treasure all the days you are by my side and I can take your hand in mine. I often wonder, one day, when this is behind us if I will be able to repay you for all you have done for me. And yet this would be more for my benefit, not yours. As it is, you are not looking for payment or recognition, the thought of it most likely offends you. You act out of love and you love unconditionally. As your husband, I can ask nothing more of you, and as my wife, you can expect nothing less from me.

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Author: Jonathan

Hello! My name is Jonathan. I have ME/CFS and have done so for around 2 years. I live in rural Aberdeenshire with my wife and our dog Trudy. I am originally from the Outer Hebrides where most of my family still live. After school I left home to study psychology at The University of St. Andrews and moved to Aberdeen after graduation. In 2004 I joined what was Grampian Police, now Police Scotland, where I have enjoyed a varied career in a number of operational, community and partnership based roles including a 2 year sabbatical working in residential child care. Prior to developing ME/CFS I was a keen cyclist, runner, climber and skier. I love the outdoors, always have since I was a child, and I try to spend as much time outside as I can. I have never blogged before so this is a whole new experience for me. I hope you will enjoy the journey with me!

One thought on “To My Wife”

  1. What a beautifully written piece Jonathan, thank you for sharing! My story is similar to yours in that my partner, who I’ve only lived with for two years, has put up with and done so much for me in the name of ME. When we met six years ago I kayaked, swam and cycled regularly. Neither of us could have predicted what was in store for me with a distinct and rapid worsening of my ME. I am truly grateful to him every single day and yet find it difficult to express how much his actions mean to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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